Tease,
You've hit on one of the hardest balances to achieve in a D/s relationship, IMO. As a subbie, we all cringe at the thought of "topping from the bottom" and the last thing we want to do is to direct our Mistress. It feels selfish to say, "i'd really enjoy..." or "i heard about ____ and i'd love to try it", etc.
However, in my years of experience with Mistresses/Dommes, some of my most frustrating and disappointing sessions were with women who were so wrapped up in themselves that they never asked what would make ME happy. Yes, i know, that seems so backwards! But, a woman is confident and self-assured should never feel threatened by asking what her sub would enjoy. That does not indicate she is giving up control or relinquishing power in any way.
In fact, she may be potentially making things better for BOTH of you, because she may probe your desires and find something that really appeals to HER as well. i've had Mistresses find out that we shared a common interest in something because they've asked, and it has signficantly enhanced the session.
Don't misunderstand, it is no different than you offering a suggestion to your boss at work. They may solicit your input, seek your opinion, ask what you would like to do, and then ignore it completely! That is their prerogative as your boss. Just as Mistress Lycia said above, if it is something that she doesn't want to do, then she won't do it just to make YOU happy.
But, like the old saying, 'nothing ventured, nothing gained', i've revealed fetishes and fantasies to women before who i saw just light up when they knew they had found a kindred spirit that happened to like something that turned them on, too. That has resulted in some awesome experiences together that might have never happened if i had not been bold enough to express my own desires.
Of course, the more you know about your Mistress, the more you'll know if mentioning that secret little fetish that you've always had is safe or not. If she has made it clear before that she will not engage in ____ activity, then it would be pretty smart of you to keep your mouth shut if that certain thing gets you all hot and bothered. Once you know that it is a turn-off for her, then asking her to do it just for your sake really IS topping from the bottom.
To me, it is all about mutual respect. Ideally, you will WANT to do what pleases her, and she will WANT to do (within reason) what pleases you. Both of you should realize that pushing your own agendas to the exclusion of their preferences will only lead to frustration and will likely destroy your relationship. If she can only get her rocks off by whipping you until you bleed, and you have a strong aversion to pain, then it probably isn't going to work out for the two of you. Likewise, if you crave to be whipped to within an inch of your life and she is not into inflicting pain, i'd say you both should look for a different partner.
Of course, with someone like Mistress Lycia, with extraordinary hypnosis abilities, you might find after a sleepy period that you can't quite remember that you suddenly crave exactly what SHE craves, what she detests is a huge turn-off for you as well, and your problem is solved!
LOL
Latexman :-)
