A red flag is an internal
warning that something is not right here. This is the words many in BDSM
use to describe a feeling that something is wrong, or a thought that something
isn't right here. Red flags vary for person to person, though there are
some which seem to be believed by the majority of people in my experience.
For many, the term applies to warning signals of an abusive person.

A red flag should be something that you feel is not right
for you. If you hate the idea of golden showers and a person insists
on them, then you should experience a "red flag" or feeling of something
isn't right here. Some of the general read flags are as follows.

A person refuses to give personal information about themselves
yet insists on meeting you anyway. This should raise a red flag because
it could signify someone that is not honest, and could potentially be
dangerous.

A person stating that they will do absolutely anything
you want even without ever having seen your face. This could be a person
that has a self esteem or other psychological/emotional problem that
prevents them from protecting themselves and could lead to false accusations
of abuse or rape.

A person refusing to give their marital status before
a meeting could be someone that is cheating on their spouse or otherwise
dishonest.

A person that insists a safe word is not necessary under
any circumstances should raise a red flag. A safe word, specially in
new relationships, is an important thing to have.

A person that refuses to allow you a safe call should
raise a red flag. This person is ignoring your safety and could very
well be dangerous. 

A person who insists that a scene must take place on
an initial meeting could be someone that is only interested in sex,
and possibly dangerous.

Using your common sense is your best defense against
finding yourself in trouble. If you feel or have "red flags" going off
about a person, do not meet them until those red flags have been addressed
to your satisfaction. They may be nothing more than personal fears,
or they could very well signify a real dangerous person. Red Flags come
from your instincts, trust them.

A red flag, in its literal sense, can also serve as a useful weapon. Especially if it's got a lovely little pointy bit at the top of its pole.

I have started requiring any submissive interested in being on my friends list have a picture of himself, from the neck up, available on his profile.  For me, the unwillingness to take responsibility for actions is a red flag.  The first step in responisibility is showing who you are, from the neck up.

Lady_Mercy wrote: For me, the unwillingness to take responsibility for actions is a red flag.  The first step in responisibility is showing who you are, from the neck up.

While it is fair for you to define such criteria for with whom you choose to affiliate, I disagree with the idea that not having a face photo is necessarily negative. With the variety of circumstances and backgrounds that exist, each having a face photo or not having a face photo can come from positive or negative reasons.

Cheers,

Sea

And remember, unless it's negotiated, don't be rude.  Being rude outside of a scene is just being an asshole, red flag there too, especially if you're at a play party.

undergroundsea wrote: Lady_Mercy wrote: For me, the unwillingness to take responsibility for actions is a red flag.  The first step in responisibility is showing who you are, from the neck up. While it is fair for you to define such criteria for with whom you choose to affiliate, I disagree with the idea that not having a face photo is necessarily negative. With the variety of circumstances and backgrounds that exist, each having a face photo or not having a face photo can come from positive or negative reasons. Cheers, Sea

 

I agree not everyone can provide face pictures especially on a site such as this.  Jobs and family reasons, it's not always possible, so I don't personally find that a negative thing or a red flag.  

For Me, personally, I tend to watch their actions vs their words.  Do they match up, are they consistant, etc...

Scotguard wrote: A person stating that they will do absolutely anything you want even without ever having seen your face.

To expound on this- A person who says that AFTER seeing your face should raise a red flag too. Every person has limits because I have yet to meet someone who would love to be coated in honey and roll around in a 10 foot deep pit of fire ants, rotten fromunda cheese and hungry lions.

A person who says he or she is so-called limitless is usually inexperienced or doesn't have a firm grasp on the reality that is responsible BDSM. Or they're just seriously screwed in the cabesa.

The most important thing--use that intuition. We have it for a reason.