A respectful hello to all the ladies reading and a friendly high-five to the males looking at this posting. Ladies, what would you offer in the way of advice to a guy desiring but nervous of becoming 'active' in this lifestyle. I'm not a failure in life and have a normal life with a 'normal reputation' to maintain but am attracted constantly to a mental image of a dominant and controlling lady and am unsure of how to progress. It's easy to find someone online who'll rape my wallet and run without so much as a hello but seemingly impossible to meet a lady who is real and demands a complete package, (not just wallet).  Gents, if you found 'the one', how did you and did it work out. Respectfully

- David  

watchingfromafar wrote: A respectful hello to all the ladies reading and a friendly high-five to the males looking at this posting. Ladies, what would you offer in the way of advice to a guy desiring but nervous of becoming 'active' in this lifestyle. I'm not a failure in life and have a normal life with a 'normal reputation' to maintain but am attracted constantly to a mental image of a dominant and controlling lady and am unsure of how to progress. It's easy to find someone online who'll rape my wallet and run without so much as a hello but seemingly impossible to meet a lady who is real and demands a complete package, (not just wallet).  Gents, if you found 'the one', how did you and did it work out. Respectfully - David

Hi david..
First let me start by saying, this is no different than anything else when you're trying to find your match.  It's all just a matter of finding one thats right for you and that you can connect with.   It is not all about your wallet.. for some it has nothing to do with your wallet.  For others, they enjoy their wallet being raped or taken. 

Take your time, talk to many, get to know folks.. and relax.  Often times I think it helps when you aren't in "seek" mode, you're more aware of things and can see a connection for what it is.  Just look at it as making friends, and if something further develops, all the better :) 

The search can be frustrating for lifestyle Dommes as well. Here's just one post to illustrate.

http://www.mydommespace.com/groups/forum/posts/id_1437/

I personally know many dominant women in the local kink community (munches and bdsm events, not online). They all say pretty much the same thing, that the internet is wankers who only want to chat or see them on cam so they can get off.

The one website where I do see a good number of people I know is collarme.com. If you haven't tried there, might as well. Can't hurt. Collarme doesn't allow financial solicitation. Many findoms and prodoms use the site anyway, and from what I've heard many men who aren't seriously looking for a relationship (only masturbation fodder) use the site too. But it might be worth a try, if you're not on it already.

You might also try clearly stating in your profile (here and on other sites) that you really are seeking a serious relationship, and not merely online to chat and masturbate, or only to "explore" from the safety of behind a computer screen.

Now, to answer your question directly...

watchingfromafar wrote: Gents, if you found 'the one', how did you and did it work out. Respectfully - David

Truth is, I'd recently broken up from a vanilla relationship. We'd tried, but she just didn't have it in her. So I swore that was the end of vanilla for me, and next time I'd just confess all in the first week and if any new girlfriend-to-be didn't go for the idea, better to break it off sooner than later.

Turns out, about a month later I got together with an female friend of many years. We'd both recently broken up, and in an evening of drinking passion ensued. A few days later, I kept my promise to myself and confessed kinky desires, and we ended up tying each other up and soon she really took to the dominant role. She'd always been a little interested in kink, but never was with anyone who had the interest (one former partner apparently was terribly ashamed of being turned on by being held down during sex... for example).

But honestly, it took a few years for her to really get into it. In particular, for new tops/dommes, there is a lot of social conditioning to get past, particularly when it comes to causing pain. The thing that really did it was finding the local kink community. We started going to munches and then events and play parties, and after a while made lots of good friends in "the scene". The social acceptance from lots of great kinky friends is really the thing that did it.


Good luck in your search.

Try not to get discouraged by the apparent ratio of femdoms to male subs (perhaps 1:20), as the vast majority of the subs online aren't truly seeking a serious, committed relationship.

Thank you kindly for your replies, I must say they seem a lot more sincere and genuine than I was expecting. I guess that's one thing I have learnt without even taking the 'meat' of the replies in to consideration, (which I will of course gratefully do). It's hard to 'talk with' people into this way of life and I thank the 'mods' for making it that little bit easier.

Respectfully

- David