It's been a while since I wrote a blog entry here!

So, I have a couple ex-subbies who are eager to come back and serve, and I think I will let them: luvtease and puppie.

I really don't want to go into detail about how things went down and what all they need to do in order to come back. So many Dommes are really open about everything that happens between them and their boyz, and I used to be, but nowadays I am more into keeping things between the subs and I.

Lately I've had only three consistent boys: cucksub, kitty, and iko. I think having luvtease and puppie back would make for a good number. My Cult has been pretty steady with around 40-50 members, and recordings sell each day, but those guys aren't "subbies." I think I can only handle about 5 real subs these days. I mean, if they are going to get quality attention and training.

Life is ridiculously complex and confusing for Me, as of late. I am figuring out wtf I want to do, where I want to be, and who (if anyone) I want to be with. It seems that in every single aspect of My life, I want to go to either one extreme or the exact opposite extreme. Balancing in between everything is proving to be generally uncomfortable. I know that sounds vague. Let's just say that I have two very different and contradictory sides to Myself. And it's a bit of a struggle at times.

I don't think I am like most Dommes. Hell, I don't even know if I am a Domme or if I belong on this site. I like it here. I like submissive men. I like brainwashing and teasing and denying and humilating and being worshipped. I like being served, and getting tributes and gifts. But I am not always Dominant in every aspect of My life. Shoot Me, right? I like being alone a lot. In social situations, I am sometimes Miss Party Girl, and other times I am Miss Don't F*cking Talk to Me.

I can't be fake at all. I can't pretend that I am always an evil bitch moneydomme. I mean, that's definitely a part of Me. Everything I do is a part of Me. But I'm not just one thing. I am way too three-dimensional. Maybe even fifth dimensional. I will never be a sub guy's perfect fantasy of a greedy, controlling, bitchy heartbreaker. Nor will I ever be a sub guy's complete fantasy of perfect loving Aphrodite who exists to bring sweet pleasure to their minds and bodies.

My other journal: I just made it primarily friends-only. I am bugged out at how one day I am all about deep thoughts: love, death, art, human nature. And other days I am all "pay Me now!" It's just a big mishmash of moodswings...I don't even know how long I'll keep that journal around for, or what I'll do with it.

And I'm not bitching about anything here...at least that's not My intention. I just feel the need to be utterly honest about who I am. The only relationships I have which are any good are the ones where they know the real Me. Which actually consists of like 100 Mes. And they love Me for it, and I love them for loving Me. I always said...if you see the "special" in Me, then I know you are special, too.

So, am I a "real" Domme? Idfk. I think the important thing is that I am a real person. And I am honest about Myself. And I think that My true admirers and worshipers choose to serve Me for many reasons, but included is that fact that I am artistic and creative and deep, and that I have feelings that go beyond what most Dommes are willing to expose to others in D/s communities and blogs.

Love Me or hate Me...you're definitely thinking about Me. I might not be your prototype/ideal Domme, but I have a mind and an aura and a vibe about Me that brings all kinds of pleasure to many different people. I am glad I can do that, just being who I am.

Tags: Goddess Lycia Submissive Boyz Life